Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder described as an abnormal fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn’t be available if things go wrong.
This can involve:
- Travelling on public transport
- Visiting a shopping centre
- Leaving home
The symptoms of agoraphobia can be similar to those of anxiety. They can include:
- Palpitations
- Feeling sick
- Trembling
- Dizziness
- Feeling faint
For me, it can make it difficult to leave the house or to go anywhere where I know there will be lots of people. It also means that I struggle to go to places where I’m not aware of what the surroundings will look like or where the escape routes will be. I struggle to go out alone and am very fortunate that I have parents who agree to going practically everywhere with me to help me feel safe.
When symptoms can make you feel so vulnerable, it’s very easy to want to curl up in bed and hide. It seems safer to not have to face the world if it means you don’t experience the symptoms! At the same time, it can be a lonely place. From experience I can tell you that the longer you leave something, the harder it gets. I went from not being able to go to concerts to not being able to go to the cinema to not being able to go to a restaurant with my family to not being able to leave the front door without feeling sick and terrified.
Once I had decided that home was my safe place, the outside world got scarier with each passing day.
It can be really hard to overcome these symptoms, but you have to remember that allowing your body to re-experience things that might have previously caused you worry – for example going to the park or going to a shopping centre – is a way of giving yourself a chance to see that not every experience will be as bad as you think it’ll be! It’s definitely easier to do this by taking small steps rather than thinking about the million different things you’d love to plan and do eventually.
I’ve taken plenty of steps forward and plenty of steps back but as long as you have an end goal in sight, at least you have some sort of path to follow! My first step was as small as leaving the front door and then I gradually built it up to slightly bigger goals. Every time I fell down, I’d start from where I landed and slowly work on building it up again little by little. Over time, each set back still bruises but for a shorter period of time and the end result seems more manageable. As someone who needs to achieve things to make me feel like I’ve accomplished something, I make sure that I note my progress. This is a reminder every time I have to take a few steps back that my target is reachable, even if it takes some time to get there.
It takes time to learn your body’s limits and it takes time to adapt to your body’s needs while also trying to continue living your life as normally as possible. If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that the worst thing you can do is give in to your fears. As comforting as they may feel right now, the fears won’t cease to exist unless you address them. It’s okay if you need someone to hold your hand while you step outside your comfort zone. The fact you’re making the attempt at all shows your strength.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Love and good vibes,
Amrit