Remember when you were forced to stay at home and couldn’t do the things that make you feel like you? It’s no coincidence that mental health services experienced a huge increase in demand as a result of lockdown: taking away people’s ability to see friends/family and do the things they love has a huge impact on someone’s mental health. And if you remember the loneliness, loss of control, isolation, loss of self and uncertainty that you felt during lockdown then perhaps you can understand the impact of chronic illness in someone’s life. For many of us with chronic illness, what you experienced during lockdown is our normal. We are forced to miss out on socialising with friends, nights out, doing the things we used to love and so much more. We are forced to deal with feelings of loneliness, loss of control, isolation, loss of self and uncertainty every day. And we have to deal with it alone while everyone else is carrying on with their lives.
The paragraph above is based on a post from Instagram. If it resonates with you, know that you are seen and you are not alone. While the end of lockdown has always been inevitable (and is of course from a medical point of view etc), when it was announced in the UK in July that there was an “end” in sight my palpitations started (amongst other feelings and emotions) and an hour later they were still going strong. Before COVID had even started – in March last year, I was in an extremely hopeless and lonely place. I’ve always been lucky that my parents (and a few special extras) have always been there to support me but I was finding it hard even getting to my sixth form/college every day and the idea of going anywhere else (from the cinema, to any shops, to going for a walk) wasn’t even worth considering. Lockdown didn’t feel as different to me as it did to many others because it solidified the reality that I was living anyway: except this time, I wasn’t “missing out” because everyone else was in a similar position to me in that no on else could leave their homes. I certainly wasn’t the only person in that position but I was so sheltered in my comfort bubble that it felt like I was the only one. Now that the world is opening up again, I want to emphasise to anyone who is struggling or who doesn’t feel like jumping for joy (at the idea of having to reintegrate back into society much more than we’ve otherwise been given the opportunity to over the last year and a half) that it’s okay to feel the way you do. I know that doesn’t change how you’re feeling or make you feel any better but we have got this.
You are allowed to set boundaries despite guidelines changing.
You are allowed to say no to doing something if it doesn’t feel safe to you.
You are allowed to take as much time as you need to get back to doing whatever you class as normal.
I’m sending you so much love and light because I know how difficult this whole situation is but one very tiny step at a time, we can do this together: you don’t have to get through this alone. I haven’t written this post to invalidate anyone experiencing post-lockdown anxiety or anyone who has found lockdown difficult but to show the comparison between life for those in lockdown and life for those with chronic illnesses. This does not speak for everyone living in either of those situations but does for a fair majority.
If you would like to talk about anything that you have read in this blog, please feel free to email me: happeaminds@gmail.com or get in touch via Instagram (@HappeaMinds).