Knowledge can really be a life saver when you’re living with a mental illness. From simply knowing that you don’t always have to have a reason for feeling the way you are to being able to understand things about your body because you’ve taken the time to listen, there are constantly opportunities for us to learn about ourselves. Awareness of triggers, of mental health declines, of signs that we need help will all help us in the long run to learn how to heal and move forwards the next time things get tough. Knowledge of a mental illness takes time and patience; it’s not something that comes overnight. It comes with hard times, tough lessons, and difficult conversations. It helps us grow but only if we take the time to appreciate that there are reasons behind everything that happens.
When writing this, I hadn’t spoken to anyone at home for about a week because I didn’t have the energy to speak. I’m not sure why I felt so drained but I know that there’s nothing I could’ve done about it at that moment in time. It’s only through the knowledge I’ve built up about myself that I allowed myself rest, and that my family allowed me to do so. A few years ago, if I felt depleted of energy, I’d have made matters worse by overanalysing exactly why I was feeling so exhausting and likely would have spent those few days crying and believing that something terrible was happening to me; which would have just made my energy supply even less than it already was. It sometimes feels so so draining to “go with the flow” and listen to your body, to let it do what it has to. You feel completely out of control: like someone’s put you on autopilot and removed you from your body so you can watch from the distance. Learning from our experiences shows us that all is not lost, though. I now know that there’s no point fighting against whatever my body’s trying to heal from and as difficult as it is, I have to let go of the controls. I won’t lie to you: it’s not an easy step to make but it won’t all be for nothing, we have to keep focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how small it may seem.
I promise that knowledge is power. In the long run, you’ll see what these lessons were for and they will help you to grow and be the best version of you that you can be.
Love and good vibes,
Amrit