Listening to someone who’s going through a tough time can sometimes feel like a daunting task: you don’t know what they’re going to tell you, you have to be sensitive in what you say back, and you also have to be supportive of whatever that person may be going through. It can be difficult to know where to start, especially if it’s your first time trying to get them to open up. Samaritans Charity put together an acronym to help you support someone you’re worried about as best as you can: these are the “S.H.U.S.H.” listening tips…
S: Show you care
- Focus on the other person
- Make eye contact
- Put your phone away
- Try your hardest not to compare them with yourself, especially when starting the conversation
H: Have patience
- It may take time and several attempts before a person is ready to open up
- You might need to create more trust with the other person before they feel ready to talk
- Give them time to finish their responses, even if they pause: it may take some time to formulate or articulate what they’re saying or feeling
U: Use open questions
- Use questions that need more than a yes/no answer, and then follow up with questions like “tell me more”
- These questions allow a person to think and reflect
- Avoid asking questions that close down the conversation: open-ended questions encourage them to talk
S: Say it back
- Check you’ve understood, but don’t interrupt or offer a solution
- Repeating it back lets them know they have your undivided attention
- Check to see you’re hearing what they want you to hear, not your own interpretation on the conversation
H: Have courage
- Don’t be put off by a negative response
- Don’t feel that you have to fill a silence
- Sometimes it can feel intrusive to ask someone how they feel: you’ll soon be able to tell if someone doesn’t want to engage with you at that level at that time
If you’re worried someone is suicidal, it’s okay to ask them directly. Research shows that this helps – because it gives them permission to tell you how they feel and shows that they are not a burden.
This post is based on tips from Samaritans