Hi my names Michela. Throughout my life so far I have experienced many issues regarding mental health but I want to let you know that if you’re struggling it will be okay and you are not alone.
When I was younger I experienced some traumatic situations which caused me to develop extreme OCD and then depression. OCD took up my whole life, it was the hardest thing I ever had to get through. Every day was a never ending battle and this carried on into the start of my teenage years. Although having OCD took up most of my life I also began to develop crippling depression over my body image and my self worth. I felt hopeless, everything was dark…so dark that I couldn’t see the smallest ray of light. My life felt over, so I decided to change it and I believed losing weight was the answer, I thought the only way to solve all my problems was to stop eating as much. I never thought it would develop so quickly but only a few months later I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. At that point I knew something was seriously wrong and I needed help, I didn’t think I deserved it though because I wasn’t “skinny enough” but now I can see that of course I needed help…just everyone else. After struggling with anorexia for a few months it was at that moment when my parents and doctors decided the best place for me would be inpatient treatment in an eating disorder unit. I was compliant as I thought it was going to be easy, but recovery isn’t easy. (It is 100% worth it though, in every way). I was in hospital for many months and when I got discharged I thought that maybe life would go back to normal, but sadly things only got worse. I began to start binge eating as my body was craving food from all the years of starving. I used to eat until I was sick and it was truly horrible. I really struggled with my body image at this point and started to harm myself from all of the guilt. I really hated myself, every fibre in my body was disgusted at who I was. I hated everything about myself and I didn’t think there was a point in living anymore, I couldn’t keep fighting and I felt like life was over. After many admissions to general hospital my mental health team believed it was best for me to go inpatient again. That was hard and really scary but I thought maybe it could help. When I got discharged I started to develop signs of bulimia as I really struggled with binging and purging, that was one of the hardest part of my experience so far. I was struggling with bulimia and self harm for a while until I started intense therapy and now I have been clean from self harm for nearly 9 months. Although my journey was difficult so far and the trauma has left me with internal scars I am so grateful to be alive. Being able to properly live again is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, my mental illnesses took away my life for too long but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am so happy I’ve gotten to this stage, I never thought it could ever be possible, but I made it, and now I know I can get through anything. If it wasn’t for my beautiful friends, family and mental health teams I wouldn’t be here, and I will forever be grateful for them helping me get my life back. Recovery is worth it, and I truly believe that from the bottom of my heart.