Content Caution: This post talks about topics that you may find upsetting if you struggle with either hirsutism (having excess hair) or weight issues.
I’d like to start by saying that this probably won’t be my last post about PCOS – I’ve found it extremely difficult to summarise all my experiences from all the symptoms that PCOS causes into one blog and therefore I think I’d like to expand on each symptom individually at a later date. This post contains my personal experiences, thoughts and feelings on PCOS: it doesn’t contain any helpful information on next steps or how you can treat the symptoms.
Despite only knowing I’ve had PCOS for a couple of years, the symptoms that come alongside it have affected me for as long as I can remember. Any illness has the ability to affect your mental health but as it’s PCOS awareness month, I thought I’d expand on a couple of the symptoms of PCOS in particular and why they (the symptoms) can have such an impact on individuals. The reason I’ve only chosen three to focus on is simply because they are the ones that affect me on a daily basis, but there are other symptoms of PCOS that I don’t discuss.
PCOS causes a hormonal imbalance, which explains why one of the things that it can cause can be depression and anxiety. You are said to be 3 times more likely to experience anxiety and depression with PCOS than you are without. While it can go undetected for someone’s whole life (approximately 1 in 10 women have PCOS), it can have a bigger effect in some people’s lives than others. Aside from hugely affecting periods and insulin in the body, PCOS can also cause many other symptoms…
- Irregular periods (there were a couple of years where I was only having one period a year, some people have no periods at all)
- Painful periods
- Excessive hair growth (hirsutism)
- Weight gain
- Thinning hair/Hair loss from the head
- Oily skin
- Acne
For me, the two symptoms that affect me most – especially on a daily basis – is the hirsutism (or excess hair) and weight gain/difficulty shifting weight. Hirsutism occurs due to a higher level of certain male hormones (androgens). The thought of it makes me want to cry and it’s something that I was only able to really open up about recently because it had such a hold over me. I have days where even the thought of wearing a short sleeved t shirt – where you’ll be able to see all the hair on my arms – makes me uncomfortable. Throughout my life, I’ve had several comments about it which still stick with me today.
Another symptom of PCOS that I experience is weight gain. As I also have hypothyroidism (which can affect your metabolism), my weight has always been something which made me feel out of place, especially compared to others my age. PCOS can cause changes in metabolism and in resistance to insulin (which is why women with PCOS are more likely to develop Type 2 Diabetes) which can mean that it’s more difficult to shift weight that you do have, or to keep at a stable weight. It’s because of the male hormones that the excess weight sits around the abdominal area. This is usually where some people would say “just exercise” or “eat healthier” but it’s so much more complex than that – especially seeing as many of us with PCOS also struggle with fatigue.
The joint experiences of feeling too “big”, too tired to do anything to shift the weight and “too hairy” for a girl throughout life obviously has the power to knock someone’s self confidence and their self esteem right down to zero. PCOS makes me feel unfeminine and self conscious about how opposite my body looks compared to the toxic standards that society likes to remind us of. This leads to low self confidence, a hatred of my body and a feeling of being constantly judged by those around me based on my looks. Throughout my daily life, I have days where I struggle just to wear a short sleeved t-shirt that’ll show the hair on my arms. I’ve thought that people might struggle to call me a girl because of the amount of hair on my body. I go through long periods where I literally just can’t bring myself to look at myself in the mirror. I’ve kept to wearing baggy clothes so no one will see what my body truly looks like (and even then I’m always conscious that people “will be able to figure out how big I really am”. Yes, our thoughts are not always rational but that doesn’t make the feeling any less real. As I said before, I’ve shed many a tear over PCOS and a lot of this may seem superficial to others but when you’re living in a body that you’re unhappy in every day, it can feel very difficult to just “get over it”. It’s very easy for outsiders to say “if you don’t like the hair then remove it” or “just get fitter” but it’s not as simple as that.
There is such importance in being kind – because you truly don’t know what people are going through or how they feel about themselves.
If you’re struggling with PCOS or can relate to any of the symptoms or feelings involved, please don’t hesitate to reach out and I can try to help you find support (disclaimer: I’m not a professional so any thoughts are opinions and not fact, it’s important to do your own research before coming to any conclusion). You can contact me via my Instagram (@HappeaMinds) or my email (happeaminds@gmail.com)